Constant Struggle

*Breathes in*

*Breathes out*

I have been struggling, with my demons, with myself.  And there is always one thing that can easily weaken this impurified soul, and that is Music.  Music and Concerts.  Music.  Bands. Music.  Everything related to the M word, they’re my constant struggle.  My parents call me a Jukebox (for knowing every word to every song playing on the radio) and that is not something I’m proud of.  My iPod is basically the largest music library my friends have ever known (almost), and I am one music lover.  Music is a passion that seems almost impossible to get rid of, so my solution is to control the amount of hours I spend on them (still working on it) …

Concerts.  That is one big obstacle.  I don’t mind if it’s Taylor Swift, or Demi Lovato, or Selena Gomez, or Justin Bieber, but once you call a punk/rock band to perform here in KL, there you go; pressing on my weak spot, telling me to give up and give in.  Sleeping with Sirens, Mayday Parade, Pierce The Veil, and I know there’ll be more performing in this small country I reside in.  Missed two of them, and now, the Mayday Parade mission.  I have to keep on reminding myself that the concert will bring me no good but another sin added on the scale.  I have to remind myself that this is the biggest Jihad, that I have to fight my own desire, for Allah Azza Wa jalla. I bought the ticket the day I found out they’re coming here, for an oversea tour.  Now, it’s just a matter of how I decide it to be.  It’s either I go and get myself in the middle of a crowd singing to every song they sing, or have a productive day at home.

I know I can resist this temptation, I know Allah will help me.  I know Allah will ease things for me.  I know.  And I know what to do, I know, it’s obvious.  As long as I can hold myself back (and I know I can), I’ll avoid going to concerts and stuff.  It’s the very least I could do.  But, I won’t let myself be a hypocrite.  I won’t be the person I used to be, or at least the person I swore I would never be, so not going to this Mayday Parade concert does not mean I have grown mature and pious.  It doesn’t mean you won’t bump into me at any concert, it just means that for once, Allah has helped me to get through this, to fight my own ‘nafsu’.  But I’m just a human, tau. Iman naik turun, semua tak tetap.  So, If you happen to see me lining up for a concert anytime in the future, remind me of my own words.  Tell me to aim for Jannah for it is perfect and forever.  Tell me there’ll be more amazing concerts upstairs.  So tell me that for now, try to avoid the highway to hell, and start climbing up the stairway to heaven.  Please, this is one thing I ask of you, as a friend, as a human being, and most important as a Muslim.

Let me thank you in advanced;\

THANKS 🙂